Zakaryan Life

3.11.2013

Getting through

This is how I got through today. My first day alone with both boys. Wasn't sure I could make it but I did. There was a lot of anxiety. I felt this dread while he was sleeping knowing that when he woke up I'd have to feed him and then the crying would begin. I hate the crying. My heart breaks with each wince and squirm of pain. With each wake time that he has there's about 10-15 mins of semi-happiness. That's it. The rest of the time he's sleeping or crying, screaming really. Sometimes, like tonight, it takes him an hour to fall asleep bc he's in pain or has gnarly hiccups. He writhes around and all I can do is hold him and walk him and pray for a miracle. I'm waiting for a miracle.

God told me "1 week." I'm holding onto that word as best I can. It's all I have. It's hope I guess.

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3.10.2013

Reflux

It's so sad to me that parents with a child with reflux (or maybe it's only me) really get robbed of enjoying their newborn. I find myself wishing he'd grow up faster so I wouldn't have to hear him scream in pain every time I feed him. And I would feel less guilt about not being able to nurse if he were older and not in so much pain.

Parents that have not lived through this really don't understand. They try. They listen. But they don't get it. And I find myself being angry at them. It's not fair of course, but I can't help myself. When they say things like "sorry to hear about the sleeping issues", I just want to scream! This isn't a sleeping issue. I have to see my new baby crying in pain many times a day. I know that each time I feed him he's going to cry and writhe in pain. It's heart breaking. And there's not a lot of help, at least that I've found yet.

I still believe that God is good. I can't wait to see how He comes through on this one. I feel like I'm not going to make it...again. Haven't I paid my dues? I did this once before. God, are you listening?

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5.18.2012

Little Corona

Loved our day at the beach. Taking my buddy, even for just a couple hours, is awesome. He loves all the animals and the tide pools. Being outside refreshes me. I'm tired. But happy.

God is so good to give us little glimpses of his glory on the earth.

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4.24.2012

Texas

I love being in TEXAS. I love our boys playing together. I love my friend Cheryl. I love afternoons on the porch. I love all the visiting. I love the tea. I love the slow. I love the taking it in, enjoying. I love the wildness. I love the learning to share and be kind. I love the laughter. I love extended families. I love the baby. I love watching my friend be a mama. I love all the memories of college and life together. I love TEXAS. 💙❤

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4.20.2012

Prophetic word...

So...it's been a long time since I posted anything here. It's probably read by few as I know I give up when people stop posting too. But I got a word last night about being a blogger so, here I go. I do enjoy it very much. So God, if I am to blog, give me the topics and the time. I lay it all at your feet this morning God. Thank You for how you're moving in my life. Amen.

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10.18.2011

Pumpkin patch 2011

Well, I know many thought I had completely abandoned my blog but... here's a new post for y'all!

We had a great time at the patch today with our friends the Saukkolas, visiting from Denver! Was so great to be with them.

Big boy